


Bleed

by moonstone1520



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, Post-Reichenbach, Self-Harm, The Author Regrets Everything, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 19:07:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6483709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstone1520/pseuds/moonstone1520
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She bled so she knew she was alive</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bleed

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. Like with [Novacaine](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5902135), this came from a very dark place. 
> 
> *Trigger Warning*  
> Mention and descriptions of self harm.

She only bled to know she was alive.

She had become numb to the pain, to the burden she beared. The secret she carried was heavy and she didn't want, nor expect, any help in carrying it.

But that didn't mean she didn't need to lighten the load every now and again.

 

The ritual was the same every time.

Put on the Goo Goo Dolls "Iris". Sterilize the razor. Lower her sweatpants to just above the pubic bone. 

Place razor to skin.

Press down hard.

Drag.

Repeat.

 

 _Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive_.

 

He said she mattered.

He said she was what he needed.

He needed her to kill him so she could bring him back to life. 

He never needed to say thank you.

He never needed to apologize.

He was Sherlock Holmes; what use does he have for appreciating sentiment?

 

So when watching Mrs. Hudson burst into tears became too much; when she couldn't handle John's broken voice on the phone; when she saw how much weight he'd lost in person. that's when the razor was a relief. 

When bleeding was a relief.

 

They'd had a system. They'd text when danger nights came about. Just their names, nothing else, and they'd know.

She always texted him when she had a danger night before. With him being out of the country, she didn't bother anymore.

Problem was, the danger nights became more and more frequent.

Tonight, she gave in to her emotions, her impulses. 

Before her ritual began, she texted him:  _Sherlock_.

She didn't hear the responding alert fifteen minutes later, when she was in the bathroom mutilating herself.

She did, however, hear the latch to the door jingle open when she was on the ground because she pressed too hard.

There was so much blood, but she knew he didn't care when he picked her up, tended to her wounds and cradled her to his chest.

She almost missed his desperately whispered apologies when she fell asleep.

She almost missed his tears falling onto her face like rain.

She almost missed the kiss he pressed against her forehead when he placed her on her bed and cuddled up next to her, enveloping her body with his.

She almost missed how his heart bled for her.

Almost.


End file.
